Aware of this, some posters choose to undersell, mocking themselves and potential respondents at the same time. They see their dark worldview as something to be proud of, not to hide, and post ads like “In search of bird with broken wing,” “Total jerk seeks total bitch,” or “Damaged Goods.” The philosophy is that honest, if negative, ads will reach the right people. And if these ads attract more psychos than the positive ones, at least the psychos make for more interesting dates, these posters say.

But a negative ad, no matter how clever, isn't just a way of telling people who you are. It's also a way to draw extra responses, like those flyers that scream, “Don't read this!” When I first ventured into Internet dating, my confidence was so low that I chose as my headline “I'm still here,” from the Sondheim song. Unfortunately, instead of drawing Jewish guys, I got closeted gay musical-theater fans.

Tim's posting worked better. He says he had sex with the knee-injured woman, a dark, edgy 19-year-old named Jeannette, on their first date. He met the woman on crutches, too, and though he wasn't interested in sleeping with her, she liked him. “She had been on eHarmony for two years and met 100 people and said she liked me better than any of them,” he says.

My friend Kate, a financial reporter in her early thirties, has posted several negative ads, like “Help—you're smothering me!” Though she hasn't met any boyfriends that way, she's been enjoying the dates more.

By the same token, she prefers to answer ads that are negative, because she thinks it will yield more connections. She went on a few good dates with a guy who had posted “Let's meet and then get off this thing forever” and was glad she met him, even though it didn't turn into a romance.

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