I'm a 28-year-old,attractive guy. In my late teens and early twenties, I had no problem finding girls to date, and I've had some great relationships. My problem is that for the last five years, I've been totally dry. I've tried to go out to bars, enrolled in some courses, all to no avail.

Thinking I was gay, I had a few flings with boys from work or online -- but it wasn't meant to be. I can't get interested in anyone I meet any more. And here's the kicker: I think I might be fawning over my cousin. Yep. She's 23, fit, attractive and we get along famously. We chat on the phone, go out to shows, chat online (and I flirt during all of these). And, well, let's be honest, I've fantasized about her sexually -- she's like a match.

Plagued with this constant "there's no one better than she" notion, I feel I might be doomed to live as fifth-business until I die. I've wanted to tell her, but the repercussions would be immeasurable, so I keep my mouth shut (likely wisely). It might be some sort of warped Oedipus complex (maybe closer to Haemon's love of Antigone, Oedipus' daughter), but it's really got me stagnated -- to the point where I haven't shared intimacy with anyone in over two years.

I feel horrible for having these thoughts, but I can't shake them. I'm ashamed. She chats with me totally unaware that I'm practically scheming the whole time. Should I seek help? Should I tell her to get it off my chest? Maybe laugh it off, like "Boy, did I have a crush on you when I was 27!" Is this common? Please, tell me something, anything.

Cousin love wasn't always so frowned upon, although as author Deborah Blum points out in Sex on the Brain, medieval Christians considered mating even with your 32nd cousin a sin (it was apparently fine, though, to set a woman on fire for not marrying at all), so notions have flip-flopped wildly. Worldwide, it's still a lot more common than you may know.

So why the present stigma, particularly in North America? Birth defects are not the issue everyone believed them to be, but many of these concepts predate genetic research anyway. Is it bad press generated by snaggle-toothed hillbilly films? Vestigial '50s mutant panic?

It's hard to keep up with the whimsical ebb and flow of tastes and customs, but let's get a few things straight: while it's perfectly legal to marry your cousin in our country and many others -- and as I've pointed out before, our first Prime Minister, John A. Macdonald, married his -- it's not OK to let it control your life. Your cousin is not the only one in the world for you; you've proven that by your prior dating record. This kind of obsession, even when not directed towards a family member, is demented and irrational.

Look at you! Citing incestuous Greek tragedy references and flapping around on the sofa like a Harlequin romance novel heroine. Think you're never going to find love again? Oh please. As of Sept. 29, 2005, the world's population was 6,469,543,115. Population alone puts a major crimp in the dramatics, doesn't it?

Now if you do choose to go forth and confess, here are some encouraging words from Susanne Gordon, who not only married her cousin but has a healthy, bright child with him. "There are a few resources available to him. First one being the website www.cuddleinternational.org and another site www.cousincouples.com . He can go to chat rooms, post questions, read responses and bounce his theories off many, many members. Please stress to your reader that he not feel shame in his feelings. Being with a cousin is not an incestuous act, nor is it illegal. Your reader needs to realize that his only hurdle that is different from any other relationship is that if he ticks off his in-laws, he has ticked off his whole family!"

I work over here at Nerve, and I saw your column mentioning Nerve Personals ("The Nerve of some websites," Sept. 22). Thought I'd let you know what's going on: Spring St. Networks, the company that has been running the personals for the past few years, went out of business because it was not covering its costs. The personals were then sold to Various, Inc., with the caveat that the pool of users remain unchanged. The launch of the new Nerve Personals was done hastily and has been pretty much a disaster.

But we're working with the new owners to repair the problems and improve the feel of the site. New profile questions, for example, are on their way. Hopefully, the next few weeks will see major changes. In the meantime, we're listening closely to reader feedback and passing it on to the owners. Please tell your readers not to write to nervenotes@nerve.com, as I don't believe anyone is checking that address; they'd do better to post on the Nerve Staff Blog in the personals section (www.tinyurl.com/8sj6h ), or follow the help addresses on the site.

Excuse me? The projects coordinator and editorial assistant from a popular online company admitting a change in the system has been a disaster? Flabbergasted and suspicious, I emailed Gwynne back to ask if I might publish her letter. Here's what she said: "You're welcome to post the information I sent you; we figure the best way to deal with the whole fiasco is to be as upfront and communicative with Nerve readers as possible."

I am officially laying down my axe on all Nerve-related items. For now. And other businesses take note: this is a really good way to deal with Gen-Xers and their social offspring -- people who have been raised under the incessant spectre of ad campaigns. Meanwhile, I'm sure the late, great comedian Bill Hicks is shaking his head saying, "They're going for the brutal honesty dollar, Sasha. Don't fall for it."

This is cache, read story here