My question is twofold. As a matter of appearances and personal preference I am a very moral individual. I value charity and am a devout Catholic. However, at some point between the ages of 18 and 28, I came to be very accepting of my sexual deviancy. Although I am comfortable reconciling my bedroom manner with the rest of my life, I find it hard to meet women who share my unique perspective.
Are there any venues in which I may discreetly explore my sexuality with others while trying to build meaningful, and as moral as possible, relationships?
All Jesus joshing aside, it appears that you approach what you do -- charity, religion, sex and academia -- with care and reflection. This makes you a moral person, period. And it's not that I'm not ecstatic to hear of a Jesuit priest dispensing sex advice that prioritizes consent, but I think it's fair to question the validity of the wilfully -- and often just ostensibly -- chaste offering sexual guidance at all.
You don't need to fuck to understand what it is to want intimacy, but it does help to be able to articulate what "detrimental to one's mental or physical health" actually means. (Some people might even say that celibacy qualifies.) You may be better off taking personal matters to a sex therapist. Most sex therapists have some realistic experience and, even if they don't, the foundation of their theoretical knowledge is generally one that is sex-positive and orientation-inclusive, not up for interpretation. You can't easily say the same for Catholicism.
As for escorts, you should have no trouble finding one to enact your fantasies. A simple search online of local services and a personal correspondence would take care of any particular needs. Finding a life partner will take more effort, but then most people find this to be the case. Norman Prince is the president of Dignity Canada, an organization that works "within and without the Church to promote the full personhood of those who belong to sexual minorities." He says you will not find personals sites exclusive to queer Catholics. (I couldn't find them either. If anyone is aware of any, please let us know.) "Neither would I recommend joining Dignity with the express purpose of finding sexual partners," he says. However, if you are looking for other self-described devout Catholics who have found resolution with their orientation and choices, they are here: www.dignitycanada.org .
It's easy to find contact information for politically active sex workers around the world online. In Hong Kong, there is an organization called Zi Teng and the page www.ziteng.org.hk/links/sxwkr_e.html on their website will provide you with links to other international groups. You can actually speak with sex workers directly and ask what kind of support they would like from global consumers. I talked with Yip from Zi Teng and our conversation was pretty much the same one I have with all vocal prostitutes: they want their job to be perceived as a real job. They do not relish working under illegal circumstances that facilitate police, societal and client abuse, and they definitely do not want to work in an environment that expedites illegal trafficking.
"We admit that there are some girls who are really forced to work in the industry," says Yip, "but if sex work is generally accepted, trafficking will naturally be reduced. Migrant workers can get working permits and they won't have to work illegally or underground. The word 'trafficking' will have a new definition. If sex work is really accepted, then we can differentiate between who are really forced and who are really willing."
An industry with perpetual and multi-tiered discrimination makes for complex transactions and Yip admits that it is difficult to tell a woman's situation when procuring a service. "No matter what," she says, "you have to show your respect."
EMPOWER in Thailand conveys a similar sentiment: "Our advice for men buying sex from adult sex workers: speak politely and respectfully, honour our limits, pay us correctly and promptly and be eager to have safer sex."
We are a long way from fair trade in many global businesses, but one thing is perfectly clear: sex workers around the world are galvanized with similar goals, and if we highlight their efforts and give them a voice, they will lead the way with insight and assurance.
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